Doubts and Struggles

Much as I am enjoying being a blogger, prayer has to come first, so for much of the last couple of weeks my thoughts have jumbled along unblogged.

I have also been hindered by a gnawing feeling of self-doubt. I don’t feel like a very good evangelist. I had spent very little time with the Gentiles. Am I deluding myself that I can facilitate the planting of churches whilst remaining in post as vicar of St. Mark’s? As usual I find my time disappears on church matters – the latest one being the need to find a house suitable for our new curate and his family to live in. Despite these doubts flying around my head I remain hopeful in my spirit that it will happen, and I wait for the word from the Lord for the next step.

Boozing with the Blues

My recent contact with some of the Gentiles has been interesting. Since August last year I have been a member of the Bredbury Blues – the local branch of the Manchester City Supporters Club. After the initial surprise they quickly welcomed me in as I went to the occasional match or sat in the club bar watching away games on the big screen. The amount of beer consumed by these people on match days is awesome.

The Bank holiday weekend saw the last Saturday home game of the season which I attended with my wife Jane thanks to the generosity of some members of our Churchwarden’s family who lent us their season tickets. The match was awful but we were able to spend some time in the pub with a few of the key members of the club before hand, and we were intending to socialize at the BBQ afterwards. Sadly by this stage of the afternoon I had a headache and was exhausted so we went home.

I felt like a real failure. My main opportunity to evangelise for weeks and I didn’t have the stamina. I almost slipped back into old habits of beating myself up, but instead I have to just conclude that my primary gifting is not evangelism. I am a pioneer and I do a lot of evangelism, but I am not an evangelist.

The Problem of Lone Ranger Evangelism

Further thinking on this subject came at the final game of season on Thursday evening. I travelled with the lads down to the game on the bus but I had to sit by myself during the match. This gave me the opportunity to reflect on the effectiveness of my evangelistic contact with the Bredbury Blues. I am a presence and a witness. I have had the occasional “pastoral chat”, but I have not yet really had a chance to share my faith.

I remembered that Jesus sent his disciples out in pairs. As a team it is easier to make an impact. It is easier to stay distinctive. It is easier to remember to pray. I need to find a fellow Christian who supports City and is willing to join me in befriending these Gentiles and praying with me that some of them will come to know Jesus.